Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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