His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
