White coat. Heels.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
bring money and cleavage
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
