It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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