hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i love accidental penises.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize