Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
