stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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