Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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