my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I currently don't understand fingers.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize