You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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