I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
