a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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