I think I just saw someone hide a body.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
