they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
