i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
