she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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