He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
