No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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