I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
