we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
