I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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