You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
