youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
