Will you blow on my dice?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
