oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
