I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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