He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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