what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
