i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
