theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize