They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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