so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
someone owes me an orgasm
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize