I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
