awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
