I didn't shave. On purpose
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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