Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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