maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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