i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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