I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
