I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
