Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
