what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
