I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize