I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
