I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just made my gag reflex go away.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
