Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
