I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
