There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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