So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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