i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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