I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
