today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize