I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize