Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
