OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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