you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
