the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
