You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
