your parents love me but you hate me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
