he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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