What did we do last night that was yellow?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
